Latest Entries »

History Repeats I

You drove home drunk,
dropped your bike,
hit your head
when they carried you in.
And I, only a kid,
in my late teens,
tip-toed around upstairs-
careful not to wake you.
And I did a spell-
solemnly focused my intentions-
Because it was You-
who I was supposed to
look up to-
who embarrassed me-
who I had to fish out of the bar
when Mom and Dad were in Reno.
It was You
who threatened my crush,
threatened my cousin,
threatened my fiance.
And I needed you to stop
as much as you needed to stop.
But history has a way
of repeating itself.
I turned a blind eye-
I never saw
until you loom
like a storm cloud
on my horizon.

(7/27/2018)

Advertisements

Stuck

I’m just
killing time-
waiting for my ship
to come tome.
but, boy,
I sure can dream-
manifest my destiny.
I tell myself
I’ve grown.
I’ve learned
to ask
and to leap,
but not to move
my own damn feet.
So I spin and spin
like tired stuck in
the mud of daily life
as the rest of it
passes me by.
Soon
I will die.

(7/13/2018)

Mince Words

Some days
it’s just too much.
I cannot muster
the strength to make words
even though
I think I must.
There is something
Broken
in me-
Something I cannot
put to rights.
Though I’m always
willing
to try.

(6/12/2018)

Slip

Friday he needed me,
clung to me for comfort.
Saturday I needed him
to nap and rest.
Sunday I needed to get it done-
laundry and cleaning.
Monday the messes reappeared,
grandma visited, filled the time.
Tuesday was a mess,
disaster after disaster.
Today he was in a good mood
and I was in a bad mood
and our hours together
are so precious and few-
How have I let them
slip by?

(5/9/2018)

What a mess
your life might be easier if you weren’t in love
Maybe
I suppose
Or maybe not
Eavesdropping
at the very end
I wasn’t going to ask you anyway
hand under my chin
read my eyes
say yes.

(4/26/2018)

Excuses

It is my fault.
I do not ask.
True.
But when I do
there’s always a reason
to say no.
There’s always some
Excuse.

(4/11/2018)

Black Out Poem 1 2018

eating him
head.
dark curls
the dimples
grimacing in pain
a grown man’s face
I hated this life
luckier than I deserved
if I’d known myself
know what to ask for.
he needs me,
there will never be more than the two of us
never
you’ve probably never thought
You’re too young to know
too young to give it all up

(4/10/2018)

Why I Never Ask for Help

I don’t know when
weakness/vulnerability
became fallen states.
I cannot tell you
when I decided
only I would help myself,
But I know
it’s a different kind of weakness.
So when I humble myself
when I am willing to admit
that I have a need
I cannot myself fulfill-
It Sticks In My Throat-
I Choke.
So, see?
I don’t need you
to make me feel bad.

I’ve got that covered.

(4/10/2019)

Stew

Take one large vessel
(Dutch oven or human preferred)-
start with
a dash of offhand comments
chop and add
aged drama
marinated in
resent and bitterness.
Keep stirring
the conversation
back to you.
Ignore any
burning,
deglaze the vessel as needed.
Ignore
while it stews.

Grip

Sometimes
I worry
I’m losing
my grip-
I feel
reality
slip.
Sometimes
it’s the gap
where the wrong word
almost
slips out,
putting me
back
back
back
And I fear.

(4/3/2018)